How was it for you?
Popping my comedy hour cherry, bombing at the King's Gala and the wisdom of Elaine C Smith
On Tuesday morning, I woke up with a sore throat. I had spent the whole of March trying to evade illness - vitamins, ‘fire’ cider, exercise, vegetables, manuka honey - but on the day of my comedy hour debut, it had finally caught up with me. I panic-bought some more Vick’s First Defence, which has saved me before. I scooshed so much up my nose that it gave me a headache.
We loaded into Oran Mor at 2.30pm, just after A Play, A Pie and a Pint cleared out. Sound check took a couple of hours, then the milling around began. I bought some bits in Waitrose: more manuka honey, ginger tea and a rice bowl, and settled in for the afternoon. The dressing room was quite swanky; parquet floors and plush couches. I had a couple of bites of my rice bowl then binned it, no appetite.
Eleanor Morton had her show (about ghosts! perfect for an old church) immediately after mine, so we had some green room time together - it was nice to see her. We gigged together in 2011-14 when I ran Bright Club at The Stand (we even gigged in Shetland!), so had a wee reminisce about that. Eleanor is a very calming presence, even when she’s telling ghost stories. The perfect pre-show companion. She’s also very funny, so if you’ve somehow missed her viral sketches and TikToks, look her up.
Fifteen minutes before show time, the green room cleared out, leaving just myself and my partner Bob. I chugged about a litre of water and did some nervous pees. Bob filmed my pre-show jitters. It’s quite amusing to watch the video back, because I have barely any recollection of it. I’ll post the full, excruciating 6-minutes on my Instagram and TikTok soon.
The show went well. There were reviewers in on Tuesday and it was the first time I’d performed the show in the venue (part of me started to regret not billing it as a ‘work in progress’) so the nerves were there. But the audience were fantastic and everything went 95% to plan - it was some buzz, even with a phlegmy cold. Adrenaline is a helluva drug!
On Tuesday in particular, I was struck by how many women were in the audience. I’d estimate 70-80%. Perhaps I shouldn’t be so surprised, my instagram analytics predicted exactly this ratio. Until now, all of the comedy nights / open mics I’ve performed at have been evenly split or male biased. The energy of the room felt completely different, in a good way.
Thursday was an absolute dream. Lots of friends and family. We made a couple of minor adjustments to staging and lighting. But the biggest thing that changed between performances was my confidence. Tuesday’s experience reassured me that the show - which was perhaps foolishly complicated for a debut, with costume changes, multiple microphones, a live band, plants, visual cues, props, untested sketches - worked. Without this preoccupation, my nerves melted away and I was able to perform the show, just as I wanted it. The crowd - lively and buzzing for the Easter weekend - were fucking brilliant. I loved every minute.
Thank you to everyone who came along, to either night. Your support meant a great deal and made me cry, you fuckers.
Bombing at the biggest gig of my life
On Saturday, I was invited to the Comedy Festival Gala at the King’s Theatre - both as a performer, and as one of the nominees of the Sir Billy Connolly Spirit of Glasgow Award. It was a stacked line-up, and each act was given a 5-minute slot.
It’s difficult to establish a character in 5 minutes. That’s why I’ve never performed Aileen or any of my other characters at open mics or clubs. Instinctively, it’s felt like a bad idea. I know this.
Why then, did I decide to break my own rule and perform Aileen at my biggest comedy gig to date, in front of >1000 people?! Because, I theorised, it’s Aileen who got me to the King’s Theatre in the first place, not Zara Gladman; she deserves her moment. Right?!
What would Aileen do, if she was offered a spot at the King’s? I devised a set which included a pre-recorded ‘phone call’ with Sandra (‘Morningside mum’, played by Sophie Rose-McCabe), giving Aileen the chance to boast to her East-coast frenemy about gracing the same stage as Laurence Olivier and Katharine Hepburn.
When I first walked on stage - introduced as Zara Gladman - I could sense some bewilderment from the audience (who had just seen eight consecutive stand-up acts), as they tried to work out why I was singing, and if I really was a snobby cow from Dowanhill. By the time the phone call with Sandra started, the penny dropped that it was a character. But in retrospect, I should probably have just done a 5-min stand up set as myself, like every other act on the bill i.e. what the audience were expecting. I love to make my life difficult. But it’s a learning curve. We move.
Despite this miss-step, I had a great time at the gala. There was a camaraderie among the acts and good vibes all round. To nobody’s surprise, Susie McCabe was crowned the winner of the Billy Connolly Award, and treated to a special video message from the Big Yin himself - many congrats to Susie!
I was just happy to be there.
Elaine: 65
The last solo show that I saw at this year’s festival was Elaine C Smith’s ‘65’, also at the King’s Theatre. It was a retrospective on her life and career with stand-up, stories, song (I had no idea she was such an incredible singer!), video clips and even a bit of character comedy, with a cameo from her ‘Two Doors Down’ character Christine.
The King’s was rammed to the rafters with women having a great time (including me and my mum). I found myself getting quite teary-eyed as Elaine candidly shared her experiences of misogyny, feelings of not fitting in and the socialist, feminist values that underpin so much of her work. Prior to the King’s, Elaine had spent the week performing her show in community centres across the city for free, from Castlemilk to Knightswood, donating her fee to food banks.
I spoke to her briefly after the gala, and said her show had made me cry.
“Was is that bad?”
What a woman.
Apologies for the delay on this but we went to see you at your Oran Mor gig, and you were fabulous! Laughed out loud funny. Keep doing what you are doing.
Are you doing the Fringe? :-)