I stole this idea

I'm a petty thief

I stole this idea

That’s right. I stole it. From James Gardner, the comedian. It’s OK, I got his blessing. 

When James mentioned he was starting a “substack”: a newsletter, or blog of sorts, as a place to write longer form posts, away from the frenzied, performance-driven pressures of social media, I thought… that sounds fucking great. It sounds like the early internet. When it wasn’t all about harvesting “likes” and blue ticks. It was about online quizzes that told you which Lord of the Rings character you would marry; it was Limmy’s swearing xylophone; it was badger badger badger badger MUSHROOM MUSHROOM!; it was writing in your livejournal about the boy you fancied; the irreversible trauma of someone sending you the link to “goatse”; or sharing mp3s of “this really cool band, they’re called Nirvana?” on MSN Messenger.

Coincidentally, I met James Gardner on the early internet, without realising it at the time. In the 2000s, we were both active members of “NightB4.com”, a forum about Glasgow’s night life. There were club listings, bar reviews and a busy message board, with links to things like the “Glasgow Survival” website (anyone remember that?). Back then, James was a DJ at the Shack; I was an 18 year old virgin with a website called “RingChat” where I’d share make-up tips for orcs. It’s a wonder we don’t remember each other from back then…

An example of the high quality content I used to post on livejournal

Me, peak MySpace era, taking a digital camera selfie

Thanks to livejournal , I have a detailed (and often excruciatingly embarrassing) account of what I was up to from the age of 18-22. Nowadays, all I have are tweets, photos of my brother’s dogs, or 30-second instagram stories about my addiction to “Below Deck”. All valid and much loved. But I want more.

That’s why I’m giving this a go. If nothing else, it will force me to write. Which I hear is good for the ol’ MEHNTAL HULTH. 

If you’re interested in my comedy goings on, or share a nostalgia for the Geocities/livejournal era, then this is for you. Maybe you could start a substack too? Guys, let’s get this trending! We could be buddies and comment on each others’ posts and make custom profile pics! We can debate who’s the prettiest, Aragorn or Faramir? It’ll be like old times. We can use words like “emoticon” and laugh at how thick George Bush is. We can… COMING OUTTA MA CAGE AND I BEEN DOING JUST FINE *dances erratically*

And so it begins. Livejournal 2.0.

So what news of the shire? Well, this week I’ve had a stinking cold like everyone else. I made some jokes about the King’s prostate that aged pretty badly. I saw “The Zone of Interest” at the cinema (very good). And I filmed the last sketch for my Glasgow International Comedy Festival show! More on that soon.

I think I’ll leave it at that for the first one. Leave you thirsty for more. Consider yourselves breadcrumbed.

PS huge thanks to Neil Jarvie for my profile image - he is a brilliant photographer if you’re looking for headshots or getting married. And he’s photographed Ian McKellen, so comes Gandalf-approved.

PPS I’m not sure what the best day/time is to send this thing out. When do you like to read things? Sunday mornings? During your commute? Lunchtime? Random, unpredictable hours? Thoughts welcome

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